I’ve been thinking a lot about the word ‘trauma’ this Advent, partly because I’ve been reading a book about trauma-informed evangelism in preparation for a St Hild teaching session in the new year. But also, because I’m an adoptive parent, and I’m friends with lots of other adoptive parents and foster carers. And I know that for lots of care-experienced children and their families and carers, this time of year isn’t always straightforward because of the enduring effects of trauma in early life.
Over recent decades, we as a society have begun to understand more about the ways in which people can be affected by traumatic experiences of different kinds, and the need for more ‘trauma-informed’ approaches. With this in mind, I recently did an online search for ‘trauma-informed Christmas’ and found the following AI-generated tips and suggestions:
For individuals practising a trauma-informed Christmas
- Manage expectations: Accept that it’s okay not to feel joyful all the time. It’s valid to have mixed feelings, and it’s important to be gentle with yourself.
- Prioritise self-care: Get enough sleep, eat well, and engage in activities that help you stay grounded.
- Set boundaries: It’s okay to say no to events, limit your time with people, or take breaks when you need to.
For supporting children and families in a trauma-informed way:
- Create safety and trust: Build a supportive, judgment-free environment where everyone can express their feelings. Difficult behaviour might be a child’s way of communicating underlying feelings like fear or anxiety.
- Establish predictability: Maintain consistent routines as much as possible, even while navigating holiday changes, to provide a sense of stability.
- Focus on connection: Prioritise quality time and meaningful connections over the pressure of mandatory “cheer” or lavish events.
There are lots of helpful suggestions here, regardless of whether we or members of our households are survivors of trauma or not. Because if truth be told, Christmas can be a difficult and stressful time for us all. According to one recent survey, 45% of Britons say that Christmas is normally a stressful experience, and mums find Christmas more stressful than anyone else.
But for me, a trauma-informed Christmas needs to begin with Jesus. This Advent, I’ve been reflecting on the fact that Jesus was no stranger to trauma. Despite all the serene depictions on Christmas cards, his early years involved displacement, disruption and the threat of violence. He grew up ‘a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering’ (Isaiah 53:3). And even the resurrected Jesus still carries the scars and wounds caused by the horrors of the cross.
At Christmas, we remember that Jesus came as Immanuel – God with us. In a way, I still can’t properly get my head around (despite many years as a Christian), God became flesh and experienced all that it means to be human. ‘He walked my road, and he felt my pain,’ as a Stuart Townend song puts it.
So whatever kind of Christmas you’re having, I pray that you may know something of God’s presence amidst all the thoughts and feelings that this time of year brings up. And let’s pray that those around us may find comfort and joy through Jesus, the ultimate victim, survivor and saviour.
Happy Christmas from all at St Hild College.
Further resources and support
NAPAC – A survivor’s guide to Christmas – https://napac.org.uk/a-survivors-guide-to-christmas/
Adoption Matters – A trauma-informed Christmas